I do not always have the best track record with trusting
myself. It has been something I have struggled with for years, and over Spring
Break I second-guessed my judgment again. When I chose Jasper I knew in that
first instant that it felt like I had found a missing piece of myself. My
family, my friends, and my dog keep me going when I feel empty and meeting
Jasper made me feel complete. Over break I worked with him for the first time
out of the round pen and met a completely different horse. I could feel his
anxiety and the way his body moved beneath me in jerky short motions that did
not match his previous gait and just felt off. So many things contributed to
that situation including his confusion with the bit less bridle, but it took
day before I would contemplate riding him again. I just kept playing it over
and over in my head that I wouldn’t be good enough for him or that I wasn’t
going to be what he needed. My sister is a far better rider than I am both in
balance and ability and it was entirely possible that I had chose her perfect
partner instead of mine. I am so cautious that sometimes I worry too much to
really let go when I ride and Darah has never let anything get between her and
the joy she feels when she rides. The next day was better if only because I
spent the day in the sun working out my frustrations on the barn and followed
that up with a much needed ride off property that ended in an even more needed
laugh when Woody was confused by the cute donkey we rode past. When I finally
rode Jasper again Darah was perched happily on Jim and we meandered around the
yard. It made me unbelievably happy to be able to ride with her and laugh like
that. Jasper did far better with a bit, which leaves me with the enjoyable task
of finding tack that suits him. Now I still need to work on trusting him and
eventually myself too.
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| Darah and Leslie riding just ahead of me |
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| Leslie at her happiest |
Champ enjoying grass after a nice ride
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